i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
