New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
