I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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