i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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