I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
