Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize