I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize