Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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