You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
