the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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