It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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