Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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