Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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