that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
