am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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