if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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