It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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