Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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