All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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