am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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