I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dear god my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
