I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
