there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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