When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
