The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
