That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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