I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize