If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
