the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
