So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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