My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
