You're completely useless in the revolution.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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