i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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