I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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