U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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