Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
