anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
