So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize