looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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