you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
