I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
