I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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