my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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