You're so nebulous sometimes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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