this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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