I was born with a shot glass in my hand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
