hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
