I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
