i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
