he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
