it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The best revenge is premature balding
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
