Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
