Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
