Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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