i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
honey bunches of taint.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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