Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
