hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
