What a fucking waste of an outfit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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