rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
