Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
