after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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