If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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