On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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