You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
