Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
