this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
