do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
