i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
