Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
