i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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