I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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