Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize